Biggy-Ziggy
 
Saturday, December 12, 2009
A Letter to Me

Dearest Lori,

I write this as your friend. I know that you like to shop, that it is especially fun when the kids aren't there, and you're at Target--late when there are very few people there. But no more.

I'm tired of watching you make a fool of yourself.

I get that you use coupons to save money and that may cause huge lines at the checkout. I've seen you be socially awkward around other people. But when you put the holidays in the mix, you are an unstoppable force. Please don't subject people to it.

People don't want to hear you ranting aloud that Target is evil because all of the Hanukkah stuff is clearanced with the exception of the thing you want most...chocolate coins.

Check yourself before you do anyone any favors. Don't see a woman with her bra-clad breast exposed and then shout at her down the aisle. Don't freeze when she turns and looks at you as you realize that she's just dressed like a skank despite the pouring rain. Then don't turn to run away and plow into someone shopping for cake mix.

Don't promise to buy gum for everyone in line for causing a hold up with your coupons and then make the line take even longer because there's idiots that want more than one pack or want something from the other side of the store.

Please stay away. No one wants you there.

Sincerely,
Lori
posted by Lori @ 11:26 PM  
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Name: Lori
Home: Sacramento-ish, California, United States
About Me: I want to make things better.
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